Thursday, July 20, 2006
I have decided to blog. So no more going on hiatus. Haha. It was expected man. My hands are just too itchy I guess. Anyway, this is gonna be a long post. I'm gonna preach? Hahaha.
So life was like a whirlwind for the past couple of days. Everything was happening at a very fast pace, but thankfully, I still managed to have time to think. I'm glad I did some serious thinking because I have learnt so much. These are lessons that will last me for a lifetime.
Firstly, I learnt to let go and be optimistic. I feel happier than I was, in fact, much happier than I could ever imagine. I've lost so much, especially losing my faith so badly that I thought I would never believe in anything again. I felt it wasn't fair. But I realized, at the same time, I have learnt much and gained too. I'm glad I chose to walk back to the right path just at the right moment. I'm thankful to those who helped me along the way. You know who you are and I can't say how grateful I truly am to you.
God is fair. He takes things from you, but bestow you with something special in return. Its up to you to find out what they are. When you lose, you will gain too. Its all about giving and taking. For that, I'm happy to be given a second chance, in many things. I could never have imagined being able to do so many stuffs, for one, picking up the phone one fine day and getting the courage to tell someone my regrets. I may not be able to turn back time, but I can certainly start all over again.
I was blinded by many things. Maybe its because of the many broken friendships I had, and also being backstabbed by people I loved so dearly. Slowly, I became negative, thinking the world is black. There wasn't happiness, everyone's a fake, no one cares. All I felt was sadness, I couldn't see any light. I saw darkness because I just believed this is what the world will always be like. However, I was wrong. Thankfully, I realized my mistake in the nick of time. I just want to say, know that its never too late. Everyone deserves a second chance, even an ex convict. Instead of discriminating against people who made mistakes, we should learn to applaud them for being brave enough to face up to their mistakes. Life goes on however tough it might get. There's no point dwelling on the past or wallowing in self pity. It just won't help in any way. Instead of always thinking, "Why only me? Why always me?", why not think, "I'm actually more fortunate as compared to many people. There are some who are worse off than me, and yet, they aren't even complaining. So what right do I have, to whine about how sucky my life is?" The thing with people is that, they tend to be selfish and think only about themselves. Perhaps that's the reason why the world seemed so bad. It can be beautiful, provided people learn to spare a thought for others, rather than expect others to do so for them. We musn't judge without learning what's on the inside first. Its only then that we realized the truth about someone. For that, I feel sorry for judging based on what I hear and see on the outside, without actually looking carefully what's hidden beneath. There's no point in regretting but I can choose not to do so again. So stop me if I still do that!
And because I was blinded for so long, I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was suffocating. I was unhappy everyday. But I realized I can't stay unhappy all my life. I need to broaden my thinking and not feel so sensitive to every single thing, even minor stuffs. (Sorry Jaime. You know what I did.) Then, I slowly believed in friends again, they may not treat me the way I want them to. But I can't expect too much from them, for I may not be treating them the way they might want me to. Its not right to let them suffer my moodswings. They derserve so much more. (: I feel really contented now. Life might not be the best, but its definitely not that bad either. I shouldn't expect everything to be done my way because that's a very selfish thinking. So gone is the old me. Its hello to the new me. I feel much happier this way and I know I have friends who care, and love me the way I am. Though there are not that many of such friends, I feel its more than enough already.
I've grown so much and was able to see things in another light. I owe that alot to 3 people. Charlene, Jaime and the very Special her.
Charlene, I'm glad we managed to work our differences. God gave us a second chance and we managed to make full good use of it! You were there, at my times of need. Just when I felt my world seemed to be crumbling, you were there, to assure me. You understood perfectly and gave your fair judgement. You helped me in every way I never could have imagined. You did really sweet things that really touched me. You know what they are and they mean a hell lot to me, just as you do. You were willing to share, and to lend a listening ear. It just felt so right telling you and I felt a whole lot better after getting rid of the load in my chest. I always thought no one bothers, but you did and still do. Talking to you is just so easy, its as if I have known you for a lifetime. You always ask me to be selfish, and not to always give, I'm going to say the same about you. Everyone have a right to feel happy. You certainly do too. And you deserve so much more than what you're facing right now. Be brave and know that whatever happens, I'm behind you. Whether to give you moral support or to lend a listening ear. I'm willing to do whatever may help you. Lastly, I really treasure our friendship. You made me believe again. Thank you so much.
Jaime, though we have drifted, you still tried changing me anyway. I'm grateful for that, because you kept me in your prayers and I feel really touched. Haha, I was just kidding when I said I didn't believe you, but know that you have played a major role in my life. From the day I knew you in sec one till now. Maybe we will never be as close as before, but I'm really happy to have known you. You've been a great friend in many ways though we do have our occasional conflicts. And that I wasn't really very happy with you for the past few months cause of some negative thinking of mine, which made me so cold towards you. Sorry for that! But luckily, I changed and I hope its not too late! :D
The someone special will always be special in every way. (: She shall not be named. But I hope she knows who she is.
Also, Tiffany Ang Sui Mei! Please cheer up alright! Its hard getting caught in the middle and I know it sucks, but you won't be able to please everyone! So why don't you do things that'll make you happy instead? Isn't it more worth it!? :D Haha, whatever it is, if you need any laughing therapies, I'm here! I'm a laughing dinosaur remember!? Hahaha! I love you!
Last but not least, Liting. Whatever happens, stay strong. I guess I have said enough and I guess you know what my stand is. Just hope you'll learn to let go cause you'll be happier this way. I miss the self praiser. Where is she!?
Okay, this is a seriously longggggg post. My goodness. There's still so much more that I wanna say but I guess this is more than enough. I'm happy! Though many things happened all too quickly, I still managed to overcome them. But I discovered certain things that make me feel so ??? I don't really know how to put them in words but I know it'll be a whole lot harder now. Whatever it is, God will give me the courage. (: Together with the support of my friends, I'll face up to everything bravely.
Somehow, the impression have been shaken. I thought I could overlook some facts, but in the end I was wrong. I really don't like this. :( We need to have principals in life. Don't be too self centered anymore, for its not gonna get you anywhere. You'll suffer next time. I hope you'll learn. Meanwhile, I'll pray for you.